Bucket Lists

What on earth is wrong with people? I mean, ‘things to do in London before you die’… What the bloody hell other options do we have?! I mean, where are the lists of ‘things to do in London shortly after you pass quietly away/get unfortunately mown down by a bus’?

By definition, any ‘to do’ list (involving buckets, spades, or indeed other gardening or seaside holiday utensils) requires the person checking off the items to be physically capable of accomplishing the tasks – which in every case is contingent on that person being alive.

These lists would make more sense if they at least appealed to the sensibilities of weird-if-comfortingly-endearing reincarnation-ists. A list of things to do while you still inhabit your current human shell and before you return as a shrew, rain-drop or mulberry bush would perhaps of some small use. But even then, I think that most Scientologists and Hindus probably realise that doing anything on a bucket list would require them to be a) sentient, and b) not entirely dependent on water and photosynthesis for survival.

So, bucket lists should be outlawed, for these reasons:

1 They are completely pointless and insulting, appealing to our worst rapture/doomsday/nuclear-apocalypse-fearing nature, and

2) They make the authors look like imbeciles.

In my humble opinion, that is.